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Joke of the Day
"I put my pants on just like everyone else. With the help of my twelve most trusted cats."
Next Joke
"First world problems: ""My fingers are frozen! I can't type!"" Third world problems: ""My fingers are frozen! I'll have to amputate them!"""
"#MakeAFilmUncomfortable The Godfather - With Benefits"
"""It wasn't always easy growing up. Sometimes we had to wait .04 seconds for 9 million Google results to load."" - 2044 Presidential candidate"
"Why did the fisherman catch the Mackerel and then let it go? Cause he's all about that Bass, bout that Bass.... No Mackerel."
"Being an asshole lowers people's expectations of you. (Except on Twitter, where assholes must continue to prove they are assholes)"
"A Chick, A 1% and A Black Guy walk into a Bar and ask: ""What time is the next debate?"""
"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches."
"How does the sun cut his hair? Eclipse it."
"Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird? A: A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger."