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Joke of the Day

"So now they're feeding cow marijuana infused grain? That isn't for me... ...those steaks are too high."

"I'm waiting for Twitter to be adapted into a big budget sci-fi action movie: ""In space no one can hear you tweet."""

"A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells ""Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"" Someone else yells ""Call 911!"" The blonde yells back ""What's the number?"""

"JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT"

"Vodka is just potatoes that made the right career choices."

"Why is 10 traumatized forever? Because he was right in the middle of 9-11."

"What did the rapper say to the deli owner? Challah!"

"My neighbor doesn't like it when I put garbage in his backyard so I stopped burying people there."

"What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost? Pair-a-normal investigators."

"Why did I quit my job in Mexico? It didn't peso well."