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Joke of the Day
"What did the lipstick and the eye-shadow do after they got into a fight? Had makeup sex"
Next Joke
"What do you want for dinner? 4: A bucket.. *Googles better school districts"
"Racing car drivers The only profession where you are considered successful if you've had a checkered career."
"It's been a big year for my ten-year-old. Two months ago, he attended his first confession.... .... It took the cops four hours to break him. He's got some willpower, that kid!"
"How To Lose 250 pounds of ugly fat in one day Get a divorce."
"Picturing all of your organs, just laying there pulsating under your skin, is a pretty terrible way to try to fall asleep."
"No, I am not insulting you. I am just describing you."
"How to taste wine: 1. Slosh. 2. Smell. 3. Slosh. 4. Place ear over glass to hear the flavor. 5. Write short historical fiction starring wine"
"Love's a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage."
"The kids are asking why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house today. Spiked their morning OJ with vodka so we are on the same page."