100760
Joke of the Day
"Bf and I are on 2 completely different emotional planes right now. Work faster, whiskey."
Next Joke
"Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: ""I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment"". The man replies: ""Your eyes are still working great""."
"I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend... ""Ouch, that hit me in the head!"" I look back and reply, ""good, maybe that'll knock some cents into you"" I'll see myself out."
"What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes."
"Did you hear the one about the two gay Irish dudes? Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick"
"Christian pop music? You mean holy shit?"
"Why are Australians so well balanced? They have a chip on both shoulders."
"I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen."
"I finally learned to masturbate without hands! Now I use only one."
"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? EVERYWHERE"