100301

Joke of the Day

"At The Nikon Headquarters We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses ""A focus group?"" DAMMIT JOHNSON THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES"

"If I ever wave back at someone who wasn't waving at me, I just leave my hand up in the air, hail a cab and tell him to drive me off a cliff"

"A salmon that jumps on the hook for ya http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdAoQvqh7eY"

"What's George Washington's least favorite flower? Li[e]-lacs!"

"""I like to get off on the right foot."" ""Wow. That's a VERY specific fetish."""

"There's 20 letters in the English alphabet. Oh, wait! I forgot U, R, A, Q, T That's still only 25 but you'll get the D later."

"I Can't Believe I Don't Get More Recognition For Being Really Modest"

"BABY: WAAAAAAA- ME: Shhhh, it's okay. BABY: -AAAAAAAA- ME: shhhh.... BABY: -AAAAAALUIGI! ME: wtf BABY: (whispering) No one will believe you."

"Obama calls Putin and asks abut his Thanksgiving. Putin: Turkey is about to be cooked."

"Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever."