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Joke of the Day
"What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I need friends."
Next Joke
"ME: I think I have a get out of jail free card COP: this is a do 1 jail sentence get the next sentence 50% off & it's for our other location"
"Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter*"
"Pal: On your date, go to a French restaurant. And remember! Girls love a wine connoisseur. Later... Me: we'll both have the wine connoisseur"
"""Florence + the Machine"" would be a funny name for a Leonardo da Vinci biopic. Follow this account for more goodass Renaissance tweets"
"""This custard-filled donut will be bought... by a murderer!"" -The Eclairvoyant"
"Why did the pickle stop being a contortionist? It was to cucumbersome."
"Do you know what the President said to Michelle when he proposed? I don't wanna be Obama self. P.S. I know, it was super cheesy."
"moses: watch me split the red sea in half red sea: i've got a boyfriend"
"I #respectfully #trot when you let me cross the street in front of you. I salute the #power of the automobile."