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Joke of the Day

"There was a masturbating contest ... ... I didn't win though, I came in second place."

"What do Badgers and Gynecologists have in common? they both like to root around in your cellar"

"*yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*"

"Did you hear about the fly that flew through a screen door? He strained himself."

"Mints I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight."

"I've been thinking about manufacturing and selling landmines disguised as prayer mats... ...prophets would go through the roof!"

"[Dr.] ""Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* ""Don't do it"" *eats cheese* *dies*"

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark"

"I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'I'll fucking have that!'"

"Opinions are like assholes... I'd rather not hear yours."