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Joke of the Day

"Seriously, it's almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower."

"Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls"

"Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks."

"Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

"Will Will Smith smith? Will Smith will smith."

"I took a poop today that didn't flush... That shit was revolting."

"I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my wife and my dog. The dog gets it."

"The girl in the kitchen is cooking dinner When dinner didn't arrive on the table, they looked in the kitchen. They didn't find anything but Tara-gone."

"An asian with an STD he can't cure is herpress."

"If you make that Civic muffler loud enough, you can drown out your dad's voice calling you a worthless piece of crap. Almost."