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Joke of the Day

"Seriously, it's almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower."

"Why are there no Bruce Lee jokes? Because Bruce Lee is no joke."

"Any girl can give you pics I can give you a headache"

"Ive been eating eggs thinking they came from a egg plant. Im going to be sick, now that I know where they really come from."

"WIFE: Your tree puns make me sick ME: Well you make me sycamore. Why don't you leaf."

"Buy a man a fish, and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish... And he has to buy a fishing pole, tackle, fishing line, and acquire a fishing licence."

"Why did the man's kidneys fail? They didn't study."

"Officer: Is that cocaine? Me: I dunno, let me smell... (Boom! No evidence!)"

"A priest, a rabbi, a horse, and a blonde walk into a bar... ...The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"What's the difference.... What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog? At least when you're eating pussy, you can see the asshole in front of you."