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Joke of the Day

"My grandma always said slow and steady wins the race. She died in a house fire."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. An explanation please?"

"I was overcharged by a plumber! So, I've been secretly training a gorilla to roll barrels at people. Tomorrow, we're kidnapping his girl."

"What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over? *Car*ma"

"What's the difference between a midget and a dwarf? Little."

"What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? Civic doody."

"What does Kevin 11 have that Peter Parker doesn't? A living Ben and Gwen."

"How do you sum up a cashew? In a nutshell!"

"My dog only responds to commands in Spanish He's Espanyol"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it."