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Joke of the Day

"Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen."

"What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!"

"[HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes."

"You know what I call it when cute girls cut themselves? Damaged goods, damaging the goods."

"What does Tim Cook do when he's home alone at night? Jack off"

"A dog made of diamonds would be everyone's best friend."

"Columbus: I claim this cake for Spain. Also these Slim Jims are for Spain, too. And maybe the me: dude, that's my mom's cassero- C: Spain."

"Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!"

"What am I? I have 4 eyes, hundreds of legs, and wings. What am I? A liar."

"What do you call a clingy, moody scientist? A dependent variable"