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Joke of the Day

"As I rowed my little boat Toward the river shore, A small black bird kept me from landing, Quoth the raven, ""never moor."""

"ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat"

"It turns out vaccines cause cancer. You'll actually live long enough to get it."

"One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore. That's why I always ask for a bed with two night stands."

"Sometimes I like to freak out the toddler by putting my iPad to my ear and frantically asking her if I've been miniaturized."

"How do you fit 25 Jews in a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 20 in the ashtray"

"I took my item up to the counter. ""I'd like to return this,"" I said, with a tear in my eye, ""It didn't work."" He said, ""I'm sorry. We can't do that with condoms."""

"(Hope this isn't a repost) What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight? The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies."

"What did batman say to robin? What did batman say to robin before they got in the bat-mobile? ""Get in"""

"What's the difference between Mike Tyson and the iPhone 4s? There are no *unboxing* videos of Mike Tyson."