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Joke of the Day

"Dear Lord, if my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they won't bother hating on mine."

"Why are E.T.'s eyes so big? He saw the phone bill."

"I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?"

"I Gave My Father $100... I gave my father $100 and said, ""Buy yourself something that will make your life easier."" So he went out and bought a present for my mother."

"I got my first ejaculation today... I did not see that comming..."

"Always bring a rogue with you when you go to Thailand They're good at detecting traps"

"Why did the squirrel swim on his back? To keep his nuts dry!"

"Whiskey diet I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already"

"what do you call a gassy Scotsman? Bravefart"

"Do Not Be Racist ..... Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew"