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Joke of the Day

"If we drown in this upcoming hurricane, would that make us... ...the Joaquin Dead?"

"Yesterday I held a door open for a clown... I thought it was a nice jester."

"Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive? Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught."

"Being a Zombie doesn't sound that bad. You don't have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now."

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescendant con descending."

"- I'd like to make a reservation. - Name? - Matthew McConaughey. - Can you spell that for me? - No."

"What is an Hommish woman's fantasy? Two Mennonite"

"Just changed my Facebook name to No one' So when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say No one likes this'."

"My friend got caught having a wank in the showers on a school trip It completely ruined our visit to Auschwitz"

"ME: The Wizard told me to choose between a good memory and a big dick GIRL : Wow.. Which did you pick? ME: I can't remember."