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Joke of the Day

"Me: You'll always be my girl. Daughter: Even if I break stuff? Me: Depends on which stuff."

"WHAT'S a pirate's fav'rite Letter? Aye, ye think it be RRRRR, but it's the C."

"Two things are expected on reddit. To be corrected and to find out who's racist"

"Today a guest asked if we sold leggings for dogs (I'm not even kidding, this was a real request) I guess he owns a basic bitch"

"Guy having sex says ""damn, there should be a law against sex this good"" To which the girl replies ""I think there is daddy"""

"Modern art is easy to understand If you left poop at the door, rang the bell, and ran away - it's installation. If you rang the bell and then deposited the poop- it's performance."

"Why are men better cooks? They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months"

"If I had five coconuts and I gave you three how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges."

"How does a dishwasher make his money? Panhandling"

"[robbing Walgreens] Would you like to sign up for a Walgreens card? Youll save 30% on your robbery ""sure"" [guy behind me with 1 item] wtf"