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Joke of the Day

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop."

"Porn has lied to me. The repairman doesn't show up instantly after I call."

"Why did the cynic fall asleep? Because he had a bed day."

"What kind of yogurt does a skeleton eat? Actibia."

"I dropped out of law school when I found out that badgering the witness has nothing to do with throwing woodland creatures at defendants."

"Me: I'm way tougher than you. Wife: I gave birth twice without an epidural. Me: So? Wife: You called in sick for an ice cream headache."

"Hey rappers on twitter, saying ""LOL"" in every tweet is about as gangster as two dolphins sitting on a rainbow tongue kissing"

"What do you call a man without a beard? A woman."

"Did you hear about the guy with a jurisprudence fetish? He got off on a technicality..."

"God created the light... Then he called it a day."