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Joke of the Day

"Whats the great way to lose some pounds? Leave the EU."

"""honey don't you think you're treating one of our kids unfairly?"" ""who? Tim, Felix or the fat one?"""

"What did the 9 year old girl say to her swimming instructor? Will I really sink if you take your fingers out?"

"IAmA hot dog cart owner, AMA my weiner!"

"that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse"

"I have some great kitchen puns. They're really pantastic."

"Me: ""Sorry I'm late. Car trouble."" Him: ""What kind of car trouble?"" Me: ""It doesn't go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."""

"A Chinese Man Does Stand-Up Comedy What is beautiful and delicious at the same time? Pussy"

"I love dry erase boards... They're remarkable."

"Was in the hot tub a full 3 minutes before I noticed the floating chipmunk so probably don't ask me questions about a crime scene"