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Joke of the Day

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"How do you tell a British guy that it's his turn to play ball? ""Europe"""

"Snapchat is going public in March with a $30 billion IPO. Investors only hope the value of stock shares holds up longer than its snaps."

"What does Marshawan Lynch use to keep himself calm before the big game? Marsh-Mellows"

"Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo. He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma."

"Did you hear about the Rabbi giving away hot drinks at the airport? It was Jew-tea-free"

"The nice thing about being a pessimist is that in the end you are either pleasantly surprised or you have the satisfaction of knowing you were right all along."

"In Russian thanksgiving, Turkey shoots you."

"Spent the entire day milking a single almond."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Finely ground and sealed in an air-tight container"