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Joke of the Day

"Duck Dynasty guy is right-- if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe because Christians never start wars for bullshit reasons."

"If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door who do you let in first? - The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in."

"Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg."

"I bet Nutritionist-Dieticians instagram the food pyramid a lot"

"Toy Story (1995) - A influential local leader harasses an immigrant who is struggling to adapt to local customs."

"[date] Her: ""Well, the horoscopes pretty much govern my life, I'm a sagittarius, what are you?"" Me: *halfway out the door* ""Educated."""

"Your stick-figure family of 6 really isn't necessary. No one sees your minivan and mistakes you for wild and single."

"They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'"

"There's a black man in my family tree... He's been hanging there for a while now."

"Marathons should keep going until only one person hasn't shit themselves and that person should be the winner."