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Joke of the Day
"What idiot called it the road to Bethlehem instead of the highway to the manger zone?"
Next Joke
"What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies! I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness."
"Well it's that time of year again when the 80 a week I invest in child maintenance finally pays off by providing me with a pair of fucking socks."
"Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world. Unless you have a job where the reward is, for example, getting paid."
"With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy."
"Went to the doctor today. He wanted to know if the laxatives he prescribed worked. I told him it was close, but no cigar."
"I think it's about time we stopped accepting Quasimodo and demanded 100% modo."
"I contacted Screwfix the other day. Once again they have assured me they're not a dating agency."
"During the '72 World Series, who took the most balls to the face? Liberace"
"Major Tom: This is Major Tom to Ground Control I'm stepping through the door & I'm floating in a most peculiar way GC: New phone. Who dis?"