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Joke of the Day

"If I could go back in time and talk to my ten year old self My parents probably would've put a restraining order on me."

"Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft."

"Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with."

"A line to use on Polish people You must be a magnetic Pole because I'm attracted to you."

"My wife is like a drug to me She ruined my life."

"Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. Concrete floors are really hard to crack. Then he said ""you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"""

"How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello?"

"Since wine is made from grapes its technically accurate to say I did a fruit juice cleanse for New Years Eve."

"Dogs do their social networking on Assbook, via the World Wide Whiff."

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr Dre"