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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin looks at the other one and say, ""Oh my god we're gonna die in here!"" The other muffin looks back and says, ""Holy Moly! A talking muffin!"""

"Excuse me sir, where do you keep the ""Whoomp""? Oh, there it is."

"Why did Hitler always win foot races? He was the fascist one."

"Divorce is tough on some kids. Others are just happy to be single again."

"Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, ""Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!"" I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died."

"I think I speak for the majority of mute people when I don't say anything at all."

"I'm never tired. They call me Ironman"

"A vegan, a vaper, and a Pitbull owner walk into a bar... ...I'd tell you what they said but I have no idea because none of them would shut up."

"Why can't you starve in a desert? Because of all the sand which is there."

"I'll dress up like your Dad and hug you at the finish line of a 5K if you promise to never post any Facebook pics of you running ever again."