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Joke of the Day
"What's black, white, and red all over? A newspaper."
Next Joke
"Why couldnt you trust Castros wife? Because at one point, she was infidel. Ok ill leave now"
"""Will this ever feel less awkward?"" - whoever is waking up beside Michael Cera right now"
"Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists."
"GF: I think I'm gunna start a Twitter account Me: *whips head around* I'll help you set it up! *Grabs GF's phone and hurls it into the Sun*"
"What's the definition of apathy? I don't know, and I don't care."
"It must be hard to be the fat kid in your classroom... And must be even harder for Kim Jong Eun, who is the only fat kid in his country."
"A bomb went off in an ink factory... Everyone Dyed."
"I like my sex like I like my banana trees If it won't bear fruit, it's not appealing."
"Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard"