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Joke of the Day
"What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill."
Next Joke
"Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never had a lima bean on my face."
"I don't give out fake number anymore. I just tell them to find me on facebook."
"""It's the holidays"" *eats a pizza* ""It's the holidays"" *eats 3 cheeseburgers* ""It's the holidays"" *eats my food, your food & a small baby*"
"What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hoppalong Cassidy."
"I like my women the way I like my coffee Light and sweet, but with lots of fucked up behind the scenes things that had to happen in order to produce them."
"Don't commit suicide, that's how people get killed."
"I need to stop asking strangers if they're ticklish, and just start tickling them."
"Me: *eating 3rd Twix of the day* Her: You eat too much candy, you're going to make me a widow Me: *orders 10 truckloads & cancels all plans*"
"I keep the streets safe at night by staying home."