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Joke of the Day

"""Doc, it's embarrassing, but I don't feel sexy."" ""Try wearing the wife's panties."" ""Really?"" ""Yeah, the red ones with the lace are nice"""

"Your mama is so fat ... She broke the stairway to heaven."

"What do you call an immigrant without green card that can't see Illegally blind"

"Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash."

"Darling, what are you thinking about right now? If I would want you to know, I would say it not think about it."

"What do you call ten thousand pastors setting themselves on fire in protest of marriage equality? A good start."

"[looks up from laptop while updating resume] son, you're good with computers ""I'm alright"" how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?"

"I named my daughter Dagstorp after where she was conceived (Ikea sofa)"

"Telepathy ""Huh?"" Telepathy ""Ok...let's move on. What"" Telepathy ""Please stop interrupting! What are your strengths?"" *rolls eyes* Telepathy"

"Is your refrigerator running?"