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Joke of the Day
"Why did the dog scratch itself against the tree? Ruff Bark"
Next Joke
"Wanna watch Netflix in H? I'll give you the D later."
"My wife doesn't like me to shave my face for the same reason I like her to shave her pussy She says it makes me look like a 12 year old."
"Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him"
"What is live? Life is love. Whats love? Love is kissing. Whats kissing? Come here and I show you."
"What's the difference between Trump and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself"
"My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it."
"Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future."
"clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop Amish drive-by shooting."
"Woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then took a nap... So no, technically, Ms. Snooty HR, I didn't sleep through my alarm again."