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Joke of the Day

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you were the only car in the lot and I parked so close you couldn't open your door."

"no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence"

"British men is visiting Australia. Learn: The man at customs asks him ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The British man replies ""I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."""

"I can't believe all of this violence and rioting is happening... ... all because Craig Ferguson is leaving his show."

"We've all heard of Whistler's Mother.... But what about Whistler's Father? I guess you could say that he's out of the picture."

"Bro Transformers are real! Haven't you seen a big truck or a camaro? They are real. They just hide real good like chewbacca. And batman."

"What do you call a fish that likes to cook? Bobby Fillet"

"The jokes on you Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"My girlfriend and I were making out on the sofa. Her: Ok let's take this upstairs. Me: Alright. You lift one end and I'll get the other"

"Here's a funny joke I heard about pizza oh nevermind. It's too cheesy."