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Joke of the Day

"4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a ""world's best dad"" mug. 4: You told me not to lie."

"Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14"

"What does a leper say to a prostitute? Just leave it...ill be back tomorrow."

"Selfie... Because it's important to realize that it's not the photographer who is making you look ugly."

"[first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see"

"Two Jews walk into a bar That's it. Do Jews drink very little?"

"LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash"

"Why is Michael J. Fox better than a vibrator? You never have to buy batteries."

"How can you tell who's the Polish Jew at The Wailing Wall? He's the guy with the harpoon."

"Three goats walked into a Stop N Shop."