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Joke of the Day
"People make me sick, unless you cook them properly."
Next Joke
"I wish I had taught my dog the command ""Taylor Swift"" so every time it snowed he would just ""Shake It Off."""
"What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A hoarse horse."
"""Hey, let's share a bottle of wine and try out the shriek-laugh we've been rehearsing."" -The women next to everyone everywhere."
"It's like my mother always told me, ""If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."" Then she said I looked fat."
"A neutron walks into a bar... A neutron walks into a bar and asks, ""How much for a drink?"" The bartender replies, ""For you? No charge."""
"Announcer: ""Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!"" [crowd goes nuts] A: ""Well too bad, here's Coldplay"""
"How did Jesus get so ripped? 39 lashes."
"How does a water bear sleep? It Hydronates"
"I wanted to get a second dog to keep my dog company. I asked my dog if he wanted me to bring him a male dog or a female dog. He replied... ""Bitch, please""."