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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Libertarian Cross the Road? None of your Damn Business. Am I being detained?"

"Where does a pencil sharpener keep its money? In a shavings account."

"I dated a mime that was a mistress Being tied up was a little complicated."

"Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance? Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty."

"do mice turn into rats or do i just have both in my apartment?"

"Why are Eskimos always alone? Because they like being ice-olated"

"Q: What do you call 3 blondes a chimp and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks 4 f*cks 4 f*cks not for a zillion f*cks 4 f*cks!"

"Why can't cats survive on Mars, even with spacesuits? Because Curiosity will kill them."

"I always sigh and say ""I love you,"" followed by a long silent pause just to see how bad telemarketers really want the sale."

"Kate Upton Nightmare... ""Hey, last night I had a nightmare, I dreamed I was Kate Upton's new born baby, but I was bottle fed... ... [I know it's soggy, but it made me laugh...]"