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Joke of the Day

"[hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?"

"You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips."

"A beautiful girl looks good in the background of her smart friend."

"""Dad, how did you fall in love with mom?"" ""Well, son, long story short I saw her picture on Instagram and it was love at first...filter."""

"What is Hitlers favorite juice shop? Jamba Jews"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $40 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"How do Italian Chefs swap recipes? By Spaghett-e-mail!"

"If you want your uninvited guests to leave, seat them comfortably in the basement, then go upstairs and watch TV."

"Contrary to popular belief, Stalin was from Georgia, not Russia. Stalin wasn't Russian anywhere."

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"