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Joke of the Day
"I was reminded of you today. But then I flushed the toilet and went on about my business."
Next Joke
"""Because Fuck you, that's why!"" is a perfectly legitimate response to any question."
"I had a debate with myself about masturbation... ... On one hand it's feels good. And on the other it feels great!"
"Well, look on the bright side... At least they won't be talking about that gorilla anymore."
"couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom"
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Coffin ! Coffin who ? Coffin and spluttering !"
"What is long, green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger."
"Imagine Putting 5 worth of fuel in your car and your cars like ""well, since we're both being childish"" And refuses to open the door."
"If you don't know me, don't judge me. Unless you're making me a pizza and you say ""This woman looks like she wants extra cheese."" That's ok"
"""Internet pretty"" angled profile photos that disguise the ugly truth."