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Joke of the Day

"M R Ducks Person 1: M R Ducks. Person 2: M R Not. Person 1: O S A R. C M Wangs? Person 2: L I B. M R Ducks! My grandmother told me this when I was 5ish. Don't know why it cracks me up."

"I like my girls like I like my drinks... Virgins"

"NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*"

"Ebola You guys need to stop telling Ebola jokes. They only last about a week. (Sorry, I know Ebola is old)"

"How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One because his knee grows."

"I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math."

"I went to see my doctor about my insomnia. Not sure he appreciated me knocking on his door at 3AM."

"How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation."

"What's gay unless you're Chinese? A bro-job."

"Energizing breakfast smoothie: 1. 2 cups chopped kale 2. 1 ripe banana 3. 1/8 tsp flax oil 4. 1/2 cup coconut water 5. 3 grams of cocaine"