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Joke of the Day

"[orders 2,000 Big Macs thinking I'll only have to tell my mom 'I love her' for them] Cashier: that'll be $5,364.32 Me: shit"

"Why do sharks like stoners? Because they're baked snacks."

"What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'? River Derci. Sorry."

"What's a life without units? Unmeasurable."

"Wanna hear an Ebola joke? You probably won't get it."

"And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced."

"I want to do to your body what Mitt Romney does to poor people."

"what did the cookie say to the supermodel? I promise not to crumb in your mouth."

"Him: I like meatier girls. Me: I killed the dinosaurs. Him: What? Me: What?"

"The Inuits don't deal with your crap, because they're having Nunavut."