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Joke of the Day

"I went to the dermatologist about something on my neck- -and they said I just needed to scrub it!!!"

"What is the one thing you don't want to hear during sex? Honey, I'm home!"

"I want to treat you like my big toe and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house."

"I didnt just read it I Reddit"

"Q: How do you sink an Irish submarine? A: Knock on the hatch."

"Went in for my checkup yesterday. Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable, but he's a great dentist so I let it go."

"What's red and hangs from the ceiling? A red ceiling hanger! What's blue and hangs from the ceiling? [you reading this] I don't fucking know, a blue ceiling hanger? No asshole, they only come in RED!"

"X used to mark the spot but.. fuck waiting for you to get it on your own X gon deliver to you"

"I don't feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me."

"God I'm glad chicken breasts don't have nipples."