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Joke of the Day

"Roses are red, violets are blue Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss *I have to give credit to my buddy /u/canavo for that one!"

"Don't take drugs... for granted."

"Why can't you fool an abortion? It wasn't born yesterday."

"Who's this ""moderation"" people keep telling me to drink with?"

"[interrogation] COP: So you play the tuba do ya? ""No, the violin"" COP: Treble maker eh?"

"How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how clumsy you are. *There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*"

"My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she said ""is that the best you can do?""."

"I wish my girlfriend went down as much... as the pound did last night."

"I'm a gentleman, I never kiss and tell but yea, she sucked my dick."