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Joke of the Day

"The election between Trump and Clinton was just like sex. You could've either take the ass hole or the cunt."

"Who's the most forgettable Disney/Pixar character? Bing-Bong"

"I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good."

"Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon."

"It is a good thing butt cracks are vertical... If they were horizontal, we would hear clapping every time someone used the stairs."

"I found a typo on these Fruity Pebbles. For the serving size it says 3/4 ""cup."" They totally spelled ""box"" wrong."

"What's my favorite Jewish star wars character? Jewbacca"

"So I've always wanted to try the homosexual thing... ... but I get claustrophobic in tight spaces."

"""They're like a sponge at this age"" I say to the parents of the baby I'm using to scrub dishes with."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!"