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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the little guy compelled to clap in time whenever he was on the Paris underground? He was a Metro gnome."

"When the smog clears over Los Angeles... ... U.C.L.A. I am not at all sorry for this joke. Edit: So at some point I went from 20 to 923 upvotes. I regret not checking this sooner."

"Kayne West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian No punchline needed."

"I'm going to the grocery store where I'll try to get the cashier to call 911 based only on the items I'm purchasing."

"*interrupts eulogy* SOMEONE SAID THAT ALMOST WORD FOR WORD AT THE LAST FUNERAL"

"Cops are raiding Justin Bieber's house looking for eggs. Seriously. Eggs. I can't make this shit up. This is why other countries hate us."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it."

"When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell ""HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!""."

"What's the difference between an flautist and a Porsche? Most members of the band haven't been in a Porsche."

"What's an Arab's favorite car? Citroen C4"