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Joke of the Day

"I asked my 3yo daughter if I should get a minivan... She said, no, you should get a Daisy van."

"Next time you're on the phone and a customer service rep asks ""Is there anything else I can do for you?"" whisper ""Smile for the camera, I'm watching you"" & hang up."

"What did people call the Nutty Professor before he became a professor? Mr. Peanut"

"What do corn and staples have in common? They're both staples."

"A new study has found that if a woman drinks 2 glasses of wine per day it increases the chance of a stroke... if you let her finish the bottle, she'll probably suck it too."

"You can lead a horse to waterbed, but you can't make it snuggle."

"What do you call a helpful potato? A Facilitater"

"I am not able to go to school today Son: I am not able to go to school today. Father: what happened? Son: I am not feeling well Father: Where you are not feeling well? Son: In school!"

"Jokes about cats freak meowt Seriously, I'm not kitten."

"If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water? Do I feed them like goldfish?"