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Joke of the Day

"Who is the most popular guy in a swingers' club? The guy who can carry a dozen doughnuts without using his hands. Who's the most popular woman? The one who can get the last one without using hers."

"""You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You gonna DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! ...Only Kidding! Welcome to Red Lobster, party of 2?"""

"I saw a lake monster!!! He was walking up out of the water and onto the shore!!! Littorally!!!"

"What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ? Dirty looks from the mouse !"

"I like my Coffee, like my President. . . Black with some cream. But don't acknowledge the cream because it's so much more impressive to have it straight black."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? One or two thrown hard enough to the head should do the trick. Maybe one if it's really hot."

"Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you."

"*Enters $100 daily Fitbit challenge* *Pays marathon runner $20 to wear my Fitbit* *Buys $80 worth of donuts*"

"News: Video of black Baltimore mother beating her rioting son goes viral. She beat him so hard the police gave her a job application."

"Why do people regard the middle east as the holy land? Because they're constantly drilling for oil."