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Joke of the Day

"How many Jews can you fit in a car? Two in the front, three in the back, and as many as you can fit in the ash tray."

"What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"You know what they say about men that live in glass houses... They beat their wives in the basement."

"What do you call a condom full of money? Johnny Cash."

"Last time I used my phone was to call someone upstairs in my house b/c getting up is hard & I'm not trying to win the Olympics."

"[loudly so dad who's been depressed since mom left can hear] Oh no, my GPS broke! If only I had some good DRIVING DIRECTIONS *dad looks up*"

"[Turing Test] Tester: Let's start with an easy one, the square root of 29241? Subject: 171! Tester: Subject: I meant, idk math is hard. lol"

"What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side."

"Can Bernie Sanders recover? From his devastating win in Michigan?"

"So Curtis Jackson has filed for Bankruptcy... at least he still has 50 Cent to his name."