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Joke of the Day

"What do Jedi and rapists have in common? They both use ""The Force""."

"McDonald's is like if Ke$ha were a restaurant."

"Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]"

"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy makes your cock feel nice and makes you cum, a cunt is who owns the pussy."

"So this guy gets pulled over... He's speeding and clearly stoned. The police officer says: ""How high are you?"" And the man replies ""No officer, it's hi how are you."""

"If I come to your house and you say ""make yourself at home"", don't get mad when I take my pants off and drink your beer."

"A grizzly mauled a guy in an elevator... but I couldn't bear to see it go down."

"Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage? He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq"

"Do you think when the Hamburglar robs people he holds them at bun point?"

"I never understood why vets... aren't called dogtors."