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Joke of the Day

"If the world's fate ever hangs on my mom opening a picture mail on her phone in under ten minutes, we are all doomed."

"Recently, 218 Italian MPs signed a bipartisan bill for the legalization of marijuana...[x-post from r/trees] They're basically in joint support, for *joint* support. I'll show myself out."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes: thwack.... ""Oh fuck""."

"[phone makes noise] [gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel] Oh. It's an email about car insurance. [quietly dies a little inside]"

"For anyone interested, you'll find my complete Windows 8.1 review below: Still sucks."

"New dog So I brought this new dog home that I got from a blacksmith yesterday. As soon as we got home it made a bolt for the door."

"There really isn't a good way to tell your boss you hate him and want him eaten by hyenas."

"I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years."

"Jokes What do pigs read"

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip"