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Joke of the Day

"I've started a glass coffin manufacturing business. My friend asked me if I thought it would be successful. I replied ""remains to be seen""."

"What is the difference between a terrorist training camp and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drones."

"What do you call a woman who is paralysed from the waist down? Married."

"The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick... Moby Dick's Adobe Mick."

"Mark Wahlberg has requested a pardon for a crime he committed in 1988. His debut single."

"I'm making a graph of my past relationships. I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis."

"Do you know what Taylor Swift's belly button looks like? A Blank Space"

"I always blurt out, ""SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND"" in my best Al Pacino Scarface accent when I stand next to a stranger at a urinal."

"After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered."

"How big would jupiter be if it was as close to the earth as the moon..... Pretty damn big (courtesy of my daughter)"