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Joke of the Day

"A Psychic Buying Clothes Employee: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Employee: You didn't even try it on. Psychic: I'm a medium."

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"Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends? because they can't protect their towers"
"What do you call an upbeat and reasonable fortune teller? A happy medium."
"Last night I ate out a handicapped girl ...my mother always told me to eat my vegetables"
"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving: **However**, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice"
"Chuck Norris died yesterday. He's fine today."
"Banker: You're sure you want a reverse mortgage & get how it works? Me(imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments to me for years): Yes"
"How to make holy water You shake the hell out of it."
"*writes ""with my squad"" under a picture of me and several cats"""
"ladies, call me a badly designed excel spreadsheet because my D column is unnecessarily large"