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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash? Tele-Scope."

"{about to have sex} Her: *seductively kicks off heels and rips open blouse Me: *panics as I look for a spot to set down my half eaten taco"

"Home Depot is having their ""ultimate tool event"" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler."

"I was going to tell you this joke about Matthew Shepard... ...but I'm kind of on the fence about it."

"What did the doctor say when a Chinese baby with down syndrome was born? Congratulations, you have a healthy new baby!"

"Marvel is making a ""Winter Soldier"" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the ""Summer Sausage"""

"What do you call it when fish stop having babies? Minnow-pause"

"I like to skip when I'm carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires."

"Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart? ...because its not a Target."

"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was intense"