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Joke of the Day

"Curiosity killed the cat... Why the hell was she on Mars?"

"I didn't hold open a door for a woman and she said 'I suppose chivalry is dead' So I put my sword through her heart to prove that bitch wrong."

"What is the fastest way to lose pounds? Leave EU."

"*turns TV off* ""THEY HAD CAMERAS EVERYWHERE BUT NOBODY SAW THE TOYS WALKING AROUND?!"" - me every time I watch Toy Story 3"

"I prepared chicken today. I said, ""Listen, there's no easy way to say this..."""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't care now and I probably won't care later."

"My Iraqi friend skyped me today Something hilarious must've been happening because I kept hearing ""Hahahahallahu hahahkbar"" and then what sounded like party poppers. Abdul sure is a mad one."

"5 year old son: I want to be a boxer. Me: I think you're too cute to be a boxer. 5: Yes, that is what everybody will think."

"Oedipus? I hate that motherfucker"

"Did you hear about the cookie that was litterally made of nothing but grass and dirt? it was a real tuft cookie"