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Joke of the Day

"Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal"

"So there are the baby boomers, generation x, and millenials. What do we call the next generation? Fucked."

"What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel."

"Can I get a football meatlong? With please, cheese."

"Fill the pinata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence."

"I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits."

"Instructions: 1. Watch every breath someone takes 2. Watch every move someone makes 3. Watch every bond someone breaks 4. Log off Facebook"

"I will not eat a donut. I will not eat a donut. I will not eat... I will not eat a third donut. I will not eat a third donut."

"Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza"

"I'm going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint ""Welcome to chicago"" on my roof to confuse people who are about to land."