62965

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between someone who doesn't use their turn signal and Hitler? You know Hitler will turn Reich."

"I have good news & bad news ""bad news 1st"" I died youre talking to a ghost ""OMG & the good news?"" I broke the world record for eating bees"

"*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I've been*"

"I'm off to a 3yr olds party. There'll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun."

"Why did Jared go to a Goat farm? He heard there was lots of Kids there."

"A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Alright, I'll serve you, but don't start anything."""

"Life with me is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to get the crazy one filled with arsenic."

"What's the difference between light beer and having sex in a boat? Nothing. They're both fucking near water."

"Did you hear about the fugitive midget psychic? He's a small medium at large."

"Q: What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman? A: ""Come behind the pyramid and I'll make you a mummy!"""