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Joke of the Day

"I'm at my most ""penguin"", when I'm walking to get more toilet paper with my shorts around my ankles."

"Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop I eat mop who? That's disgusting. You shouldn't tell people that."

"I said ""My, what big eyes you have!"" Followed by ""My, what big hands you have!"" And then ""My what big teeth you have!"" My charity gig for children with disabilities did not start out well."

"I pulled on a door that says push. Cause I don't let a fuckin door tell me what to do."

"I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face... ... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it."

"I really hate when people only put one word in their submissions title"

"What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out."

"What do you call a sad terrorist? A crisis"

"Nobody I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this"

"""Hello?"" ""Hi it's me"" ""Oh hi me"""