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Joke of the Day

"My younger dog can go to sleep in about 4 seconds. The older one takes about 6 because she's got more shit to worry about, I guess."

"What's Putin's new favorite song? Crimea River"

"PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, ""Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet."" [spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]"

"You say pigs can't fly... but swine flu!"

"Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I think it adds character & emphasis to a conversation. I do find, backstabbing, lying, cheating and screwing people over offensive, but not swearing."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a homicidal rapist."

"What do you call a women with 1 leg? ilene"

"Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it"

"What do you call the murder of Chickpeas? Houmous-cide."

"A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing."